I had no topic in mind to blog. But when I saw this TV commercial, I was captured by the conversation as it reflects the current emotional phase I am at right now. This is my attempt to transcribe the conversation between Boy Abunda and Mons Romulo for Olay.
Boy: Take me back to the night when you read his letter, when he was saying goodbye.
Mons: he left for abroad that time
Boy: few days before you anniversary
Mons: yes! few days before our wedding anniversary, and he said he needed to find himself so I said, yeah, okay, good… and he called me that he extended his trip and he said that he left a letter in one of the cabinets in the room so I was excited to look at it ’cause it was a letter or, ’cause I never thought we would separate. When I opened it, when I read the letter I was really shocked and it was the most ahhhmmm it was the most loudest, loudest cry I’ve ever done in my life that ahmm my kids all rushed to me
Boy: was it a goodbye? I’m going away?
Mons: It was a goodbye
Boys: this is the end of the story?
Mons: yeah, that I was a perfect wife. I was too perfect that I became like a mom to him, so he needed space himself.
Boy: What did it tell you?
Mons: ahhh I was taking care of him too much probably, but he never told me that so I never thought it was wrong.
Boy: Did you question…
Mons: I did question
Boy: why her
Mons: what did he see in her but
Mons: it was the start but not. Probably there was something in her that made him smile… That time when he left me I felt like I was the ugliest person in the world. My… my self esteem was so low,
Boy: How were you looking at yourself during this time?
Mons: I forgot myself, I couldnt eat. I couldn’t eat, I didnt want to get out of my house. The moment that he stepped out of the house and he told me that he wouldn’t come back home. I remember telling my ex-husband that I just wanted to sleep and never wake up. During the day I would be happy, I bidded my kids, I bidded my friends, and then when I sleep at night, I have my daughter ahmmm hugging me, holding my hand. But the moment you close your eyes it’s between you and yourself.
Boy: and that can be scary.
Mons: and that’s the most painful, painful moment.
Boy: that can be scary.
Mons: So putting yourself to sleep ahmm trying to forget the pain.
Boy: and talking about pain Mons, does it really go away or you just get used to it?
Mons: ahm when I was going through the pain ahm I never thought it would go away because he was my true love at that time.
Boy: uh oh
Mons: and I remember going to my psychologist asking him if there’s anything I can drink to forget the pain, any medicine and she just said no, you just have to feel the pain. You just have to go through it everyday until you become numb.
Boy: What wrong did you do to deserve all the pain that you went through? Was it too much love,
Boy too much attention? What is too much what, what?
Mons: Anong maling nagawa ko? I made him my world. I made him my everything. I gave him my all
Boy: and that’s wrong
Mons: uh emm.
Boy: that’s really wrong
Boy: I mean to me, because no one should be your world.
Mons: yeah, at that time. But now I know it’s wrong.
Boy: pero Mons, doon sa mga pagkakataon na talagang sumadsad ka. You were crawling in pain, because ahm you went through that, what was your prayer like during that time?
Mons: just to bring him back to me. Give him back to me, I’ll give up everything
Boy: But inspite of that, he was not brought back to you.
Mons: I had to give myself also a deadline Boy. I couldn’t wait forever.
Boy: ah meron
Mons: I tried for almost ahm almost two years. I… I knelt down in front of him, I begged him. I went to his family, to his parents. Ahm I told myself December, if he doesn’t come back at this time, ahm then I’ll just have to move on with my life. He talked to my kids and I asked them their opinion if I can already file an annulment
Boy: and they said
Mons: that’s up to you mom, yeah.
Boy: When you decided to file annulment you knew that it was going to be messy.
Mons: yes, and no turning back.
Boy: and no turning back.
Mons: no turning back.
Boy: and it was going to be painful
Mons: But I knew myself Boy, so whatever he throws at me, at that point in time
Boy: kaya mo
Mons: kaya ko na. I went through the lowest already. He was the one who brought me to the lowest. He was the one who prepared me for that.
Boy: how did you get to that place of deciding and choosing to move beyond the pain?
Mons: actually Boy, I… I don’t know how I got to that space.
Boy: hindi mo alam.
Mons: hindi ko alam.
Boy: Nangyari na lang.
Mons: Nangyari na lang.
Boy: that’s a miracle.
Mons: yeah. Because it was talagang the worst. I thought I wouldn’t be able to survive. I won’t be able to get out of that. At this point in my life, ahhh, there’s no more pain. I don’t know if I got used to it but I think it’s because I dont have any love anymore. Probably if I’m still in love with him now, probably, uhm, there would still be pain. But wala na eh.
Boy: But Mons today I look at you and you’re just so beautiful.
Mons: oh thank you Boy. thank you
Boy: totoo yan.
Mons: thank you
Boy: you sparkle, you glow. The skin
Mons: thank you
Boy: the hair, the total persona. Im not even talking about the inside. I’m talking about the external Mons and you’re beautiful.
Mons: Thank you Boy, thank you, thank you.
Boy: I mean, is that a decision you make everyday? I’m gonna be… the best. I’m gonna be good.
Mons: ahh no. I dont think about it.
Boy: you don’t?
Mons: I don’t think about it. I just want to do good, and be good, that’s all and do what’s right to make my… my kids proud of me, my parents proud of me.
Boy: you’re taking good of yourself, better I think today, are you?
Mons: because I’m much happier. I’m much happier today than I was even before, even during my married life.
Boy: why do you say so?
Mons: Because I’m at peace. There’s no more, ahmmm no more fear of losing someone because I lost someone already. No more fears of being unloved because I felt being unloved already.
Boy: what did you discover about yourself after? What what what do you do now?
Mons: That I can stand on my own without a guy.
Boy: That you can stand
Mons: on my own without a guy.
Boy: So… Mons, if you were to say today and if you were to declare today, I am beautiful because…
Mons: nakakahiya naman
Boy: no I mean because you are. I mean on the concept of total beauty.
Mons: I am beautiful because of the pain that I went through in life. I realized that people should not be afraid to face pain, to go through pain. Because after every pain there’s always something. There’s ahh the sun that will come out.
Boy: The woman who goes through the most pain is beautiful forever. That is a line that I will always attribute to Mons Romulo. Thank you for your time. This has been Boy Abunda for Olay Conversations, where women claim their beauty.
Awwwww…. Im just reduced to pain…
Here’s the link to that conversation:
(Disclaimer: I was not paid to blog about this. This was a voluntary on my part as I have said I could relate much to the conversation that took place).