Johnny and Jack Enrile

Many weeks ago, senatorial candidates Grace Poe and Alan Peter Cayetano had their lives featured in the longest running drama anthology, Maalaala Mo Kaya (MMK), that is being hosted by Ms. Charo Santos.

Not to be outdone, two weeks just prior to the election, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile’s life drama was also featured in a mini-series. It will not only aired in one, but two Saturdays preceding election date. While SPJE is not running yet for re-election as he has remaining 3 years to his term, his son, Jack Enrile is. And by virtue of name recall, this hopes to boost the dropping rank of Jack Enrile during the recent SWS surveys.

On the eve of the declaration of Martial Law, JPE’s convoy was ambushed at Wack-wack, San Juan. This then justified the declaration of Martial Law. On 1986, while JPE and Fidel Ramos drifted to the side of Mrs Corazon Aquino during the snap election, JPE revealed that the his ambush then was staged, fake. (Read: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view/20060921-22225/Fake_ambush_of_Enrile_ushered_in_martial_law). However, in his memoirs, JPE recanted and claimed that the ambush on him was real. (Read: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/279806/enrile-on-fake-ambush-for-real).

I wonder, which version of the ambush will be aired during the MMK run of his bio-drama. Moreover, I never thought JPE was as handsome as Enrique. (teehee)

Reading my timeline yesterday, I came across a retweet from @doc4dead that said…

In response to this, @ChiliMedley said that another friend @NoOtherNicky was almost killed as well by the back-up vehicle of Jack Enrile few weeks ago.

Few weeks ago, there was news that Jack Enrile’s convoy, while en route to Tagum City, unidentified gunmen fired at their vehicles while they were at Mawag, Compostela Valey. Fortunately, no one was hurt. (Read: http://www.philstar.com/nation/2013/03/19/921645/jack-enriles-convoy-ambushed-comval-province)… Hmmmm smells fishy, sounds familiar.

Jack Enrile was one of the top absentee during the 15th congress. He only attended 44 sessions, making him rank 4th of the congressmen with the most absences. Apparently he improved though. Because in the year 2011, he was 6th ranking among those with most number of absences.

Apparently he didn’t like his job of attending congressional sessions and prefer to be with his constituents. If this was his attitude when he was a congressman, why would I trust him to be a senator, especially while his father is there for three years? Did he have epiphany that his calling is to become a senator rather than be a congressman that this time around he won’t be a perennial absentee? (Read: http://www.philstar.com/headlines/2013/01/16/897527/pacman-mikey-ledesma-enrile-top-house-absentees. Also check: http://www.congress.gov.ph)

You.Are.Joking.Me.

 

On Maligno, Jojo and Nancy

MALIGNO

Once upon a time in the Middle Earth Kingdom of the Philippines, there lived several earth elements – tikbalang/kapre, dwende/nuno, tiyanaks, maligno, bampira and aswang. On that fateful day when they had to choose a leader, the maligno won the 2nd highest most coveted position in that kingdom. The leader of the kingdom created a policy never to usurp their power and violate rules, require privileges and special treatments. But in his few days in position, maligno was already seen being drunk with power. He was also noticed to be in eager anticipation of his rise the Number One position after 72 moons; he was already seen violating some even their simple broomstick rules. Not only did his convoy beat the red light, they turned on a no left turn lane.

Asked one time why he disregarded their broomstick rule, he said “wala namang wangwang e.” To which an irate aswang said… “Hindi literal ang ibig sabihin ng wangwang. Ang ibig sabihin ng “utak wangwang” walang special broomstick privileges porke opisyal ka ng lamang lupa, hindi lang yong pagpapatunog ng wangwang habang lumilipad ka sa broomstick mo. Shunga!”

NANCY BINAY

Why won’t I vote for Nancy Binay? Let me count the ways…

1. Her slogan in her TV ad said: Nancy Binay, ang Nanay de Pamilya sa senado. @rapplerdotcom: Nancy Binary: Parody on son most hurtful http://rplr.co/11j5WTu “‘Wag na nila isama yong pamilya ko, lalo na ‘yung mga anak ko.” #PHvote”. — Now will you explain what does it mean to be Nanay de Pamilya yet you refuse to have your family parodied? …. Oh, no answer?

2. @inquirerdotnet: Nancy Binay still won’t do debates bit.ly/187Cnqt” – ano gagawin niya sa senado, interpreter para sa deaf-mute?

Nancy Binay, “Nanay de Pamilya sa senado,” still won’t do debates. – Ano gagawin niya sa senado, magpapadede habang nag-iinterpret para sa deaf-mute?

What makes Nancy be qualified to run as a senator?

VP Jojo Binay: well, she is my daughter. – Ukim!

Nancy: I was my father’s executive assistant. I was qualified by COMELEC. – Nancy, you may be qualified by the COMELEC, but to us voters, you are incompetent. Two words, big difference.

Moreover…

(I do not own this photo. Thanks to the one who created this meme.)

JOJO BINAY BEATS THE RED LIGHT (JULY 7 2010)

I had been trying to embed here the video clip from Saksi of that incident when he beat the red light, went against no left turn, but it cant seem get posted. I can post the link during editing but when I view the post, it does not appear. “Namaligno ata…” Anyway, this was the embed link I was trying to post:

JOJO vs BAYANI (2010)

Observe closely and find out who is blatantly lying.

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If 2016 presidential election would be a choice between Jojo Binay and Kris Aquino, I would rather vote for Kris who pays her taxes well. She too is transparent enough, she can’t hide anything. Meanwhile, Binay violates traffic rules. He may have apologized then, but if you heard his explanation, it was full of bullshit.

The UNA 3 kings later instructed Gwen Garcia, Cebu’s governor accused of graft, to defy the orders of the Sandiganbayan and Ombudsman to step down from position as the case is being heard against her.

 

DICK-shunari, DAKAY

PHILIPPINE POLITICS DICK-SHUNARI

sotto (a) verb – copying one’s work and claim it as your own. (synonym: plagiarize); (b) noun, the act of crying on national television to claim a son died because of wife’s intake of contraceptive pills that came out to the public 3 years after the death of the son; (c) noun – a person who claims he was sent by God and whose mission in life is to oppose passage of reproductive health and responsible parenthood bill into law (synonym: bigot)

mitos magsawsaw (a) verb – the act of commenting on all administration-related issues; (b) noun – the state of denying once a close ally in order to advance own personal agenda (eg, “I am not close with GMA… we only see each other during house sessions”); (c) adjective – an attempt to sell yourself as feisty, fearless, ready to fight anyone. in other words, mongrel; (d) the act of claiming you follow the administration’s tuwid na daan but back lashes after being categorically denied of joining the administration bandwagon

enrile (a) noun, the act of claiming your ambush was staged to support passage of a martial law but in later life deny it in your memoir

lacson (a) noun – male with a macho first name but adapts a sissy nickname and categorically denies he is gay… and will never be gay; (b) adjective – a policeman who is cleared after being embroiled in rubout and deaths of people of influence

arroyo – (a) adjective, the butt of all misfortunes that beset’s a country; (b) noun – a petite woman who claims she will not run for election after unseating a popular president but still runs and wins through cheating; (c) noun – the original “amalayer”

dick (a) verb – to stand erect when stimulated…. by calamities, head a national organization, mobilize people and later on use this as a propaganda to woe votes during a national election; (b) noun – a tool used to penetrate an imperforate anus… just so your campaign slogan would rhyme

noynoy (a) noun – a balding head of the state; (b) verb – to delegate a task to your subordinates and take all the blame if they did not deliver; (c) adjective – someone who blames his fault to a predecessor, including the arrest and crucifixion of Jesus (via @hecklerforever)

miriam (a) noun – a person who asks God for a second life to be able to investigate erring public officials, including God; (b) noun – a person accused of using public funds to buy grocery, pay salary of maids and pay rent to own building

chiz (a) noun – an arrogant, alcoholic man who sprawls on his girlfriend’s house’s sofa; (b) adjective – an ambitious man who asks for a campaign fund but denies he needs a haciendero to be able to pursue a presidential campaign; (c) noun – a person who uses neuroleptic, hypnotic technique when talking in front of the press to captivate an audience; (d) adverb – talking in verbally-rich sentences that only translate to two to three English words after each sentences

llasos (a) adjective – a person who is gay but deprives himself of sexual gratification because of vow of purity and celibacy… ahhhhhh shet! adu la amin!

rh bill (a) noun – the reason for all the calamities in a Catholic country. (antonym – wrath of God)

nancy (a) noun – any person who served as an executive assistant of a parent that becomes instantly qualified for a senatorial seat

jamby (a) noun – a person who offers a contest with luxurious prizes (eg, ipad) to woe votes; (b) noun – someone who claims to be pro-poor but doesn’t know the prize of the food poor people eats

sonny (a) adjective – gwapo. ’nuff said. (hahaha bias… e definition ko to no, may angal?)

eric (a) verb – to dance as a campaign for any health related programs

DAKAY: IDOL!

Fr. Dakay of Cebu criticized the new pope for taking a bus,. He said the new pope (as a cardinal in Argentina) would cook his own food or take public transport. “just because he knows how to cook doesn’t mean he has to cook his food. And I don’t think Buenos Aires will allow him to take a bus. He has a car. Moreover he added that “sobra ra sab na kaayo nga pasakyon na lang mi tanan og Ceres (bus) — (It is too much to have us ride a bus. That is no longer right.) (From philstar the freeman editorial, March 18, 2013 12:00 am.)

Nang dahil sa yo Fr Dakay, mas lalo dadami pa ang magiging Katoliko. Nice job!

—

Have a solemn reflections on this Holy Week. In other words, enjoy your vacation.

Follow me on Twitter: @simply_clinton

 

Chopsuey 2: Politics, Showbiz

— Politics: Devil’s Game

Lucy Torres: “This strengthens my resolve to continue to fight, ganito talaga ang pulitika. Laro ng demonyo,”

Taning: hiyang hiya naman ako sa yo oy! Nananahimik ako dito, bakit na naman ako nadamay, porke nadethrone ka lang. E di ba champion ka?

— Collateral Damage

Magulang ni Heart Evangelista, pinakiusapan si Chiz, live on TV, na makipag cool-off sa anak.

Chiz Escudero: “Hindi ako showbiz indi ko pinagsasama at di ko pinaghahalo ang trabaho ko sa personal kong buhay at lalong hindi ko po pinapayagan na manghimasok ang personal kong buhay sa aking trabaho.”

Chiz Escudero, pinakiusapan ng mga Ongpauco na lubayan na si Heart Evangelista. Hiyang hiya naman kami sa standards nyo.

Halla! 28 na yang anak nyo, di pa ba nagme-mens at pinanghihimasukan ang love life? Pang-ilang relasyon na niya ang pinakialaman nyo? Mamaya, mag-faint ulit siya dahil sa makapal na usok. Charot!

— Award Winning

Eddie Garcia, hinirang na “People’s Choice Favorite Actor” (sa pelikulang Bwakaw) nitong nakaraang 7th Asian Film Awards sa Hongkong.

Samantala, si Nora Aunor naman ang nag-uwi ng Best Actress trophy para sa movie na Thy Womb.

Bravo!

— Ambush

Reliable source: Convoy of Jack Enrile in Nabunturan, Compostela Valley were fired at in Mawab, Davao Oriental | via @marizumali

Karamihan sa nagrereact, sinasabing peke ang ambush; like father, like son. (Me: Kawawa ka naman, di ka na pinaniniwalaan ng tao, kahit pa siguro totoo.)

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Kris Files TPO vs James Yap

Kris Aquino, nagfile ng TPO laban kay James Yap dahil umano sa isidenteng nangyari sa bahay ni Kris noong Disyembre. Ayon sa reklamo ni Kris, umano ay gustong makatikim ng “human rights” aka “marital obligation” ni James kaso nabigo siya, dahilan na siya’y makapagbitaw ng mga salitang hindi katanggap-tanggap. Nakita raw ng kanilang anak ang pangyayaring ito at at pilit pinapaalis ang ama.

James Yap, pinabulaanan ang akusasyon ni Kris. Gusto lang daw niyang halikan siya ng bata bago umalis pero pag hindi niya ginawa, si Kris ang hahalikan niya. Noong umayaw si Bimby, saka niya nilapitan at tinangkang halikan si Bimby.

 

Good News, Bad News

Good News: In love kaming dalawa.

Bad News: In love ako sa kanya, in love siya sa iba.

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Good News: Sharon Cuneta, nanahimik sa social media after ng new year’s greetings niya.

Bad News: Wala na siyang TV show.

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Good News: Kaanib ng LGTB is Risa Hontiveros. “Wag mashokot, maki-warla!”

Bad News: Kumanta sila ni PNoy sa kanyang TV ad.

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Good News: Cynthia Villar, nagsorry na sa mga nurses.

Bad News: Nasa top 12 pa rin siya.

—

Good News: Sabi ni Pope Francis: “do not condemn.”

Bad News: Nagkalat na ang Team Patay tarpaulins hanggang Baguio Cathedral.

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Good News: Nancy Binay nag-alok ng dinner sa mga kasabayang Team PNoy na nangampanya sa Baguio.

Bad News: walang kumagat sa offer (baka di siya nakita).

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Good News: bababa ang singil ng kuryente

Bad News: nek nek mo. Summer na. Mas malaki konsumo mo ng kuryente sa electric fan at air conditioner.

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Good News: KC Concepcion, naka-move on na sa break up nila ni Piolo P.

Bad News: break na sila ng kanyang French boyfriend.

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Good News: Lito Lapid, may bagong teleserye sa ABS-CBN na pinamagatang “Little Champ.”

Bad News: senador pa natin siya.

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Good News: Team Una nilangaw ang sortie sa Baguio, less than 1% ng city population ang dumalo.

Bad News: Ganon din ang Team PNoy.

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Good News: Mabenta pa rin ang political jokes ni Erap.

Bad News: buti na lang, di siya candidate ng national post. bleh!

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Good News: Implementing Rules and Regulation ng RH Law, pirmado na!

Bad News: Kaso, Supreme Court, naglabas ng status quo ante order. ano daw?

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Good News: Maliksi, pinapaalis ng Supreme Court at ng COMELEC sa pwesto.

Bad News: kaso, ayaw pa ring umalis e.

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Bad News: Team ni Jack Enrile, tinambangan habang papunta sa Tagum City.

Good News: wala raw nasaktan. (deja vu? staged?)

—

I am on Twitter too: @simply_clinton

 

Bromance, Anti-Gay

BROMANCE

We always keep on hearing about Koko Pimentel trading barbs against Migz Zubiri. And the issue that he keeps on harping is the cheating during the 2004 elections. Koko still can’t get over how he was deprived of 4 2/12 of being a senator and keeps on calling Migz “pekeng senador.” Even his tagline loudly speaks how bitter he was of his stolen tenure in the senate, “kapag walang madaya, buhay kay saya.”

Migz apparently already fed up has this to say: “Bakit ako ang laging tinitira mo? May crush ka ba sa akin?” I almost spewed out what  I was drinking when I read this article. It is just so immature for supposedly dignified men to utter. He added “Mukhang may crush ka sa akin, may gusto ka ba sa akin? ’Yan ang dating. Ako tinawatag niyang pekeng senator. Siya ang peke. Bakit? ’Yung paglabas ni Lanto as Comelec commissioner na bata ng kanilang campaign manager, ’di siya nag-react at nagsalita.”

(full story here: http://www.journal.com.ph/index.php/news/national/46575-migz-kay-koko-may-crush-ka-ba-sa-akin).

Uyyy, brokeback mountain / bromance na yan.

 

March: Women’s (and Anti-Gay) Month

It seems that March is not only the month dedicated to women. It seems that in the Philippines, it is also Anti-Gay month.

1. Few days ago, TV Host and Philstar columnist Christine Bersola-Babao wrote an article for parenting “Being Gay.” It described being gay as (1) a disorder, (2) a choice, (3) curable by re-orienting “misbehavior” during early childhood (eg, dolls are for girls, guns are for boys; you are girl, you should be liking a boy and vice versa). If all else fair, as a “consuelo de bobo,” the parents just have to accept their child who ended gay (as if they failed in their responsibility to groom the child.” Of course, there’s that famous line where Miriam Quiambao said homosexuality is a “lie from the devil.” Naturally, sound people and LGBT sympathizers hit the irresponsibly written article and gave the writer as well as interviewee Dr. Camille Garcia a dose of their own medicine.

What I loved of those who reacted was the statement by the Psychologists Association of the Philippines which reaffirmed its position borne from scientific knowledge that being gay is not a disease or disorder. Moreover, PAP enjoins Filipino psychologists to stand by their professional and ethical commitments to affirm the rights and wellbeing of all individuals.

PAP President Dr. Gina Hechanova said “the article presents a view of homosexuality that is clearly misinformed. We wish to invite the public to read more appropriate response to the same questions posed in the article. We also encourage media practitioners who wish to get professional psychological advice to see the list of certified psychologists in the PAP.

Which made me say, wow, Dra Camille, aray este OUCH!

(reference: http://www.interaksyon.com/article/57043/statement–ph-psychologists-speak-out-on-being-gay-its-not-a-disease–its-not-a-disorder)

2. On the very first day of the month, @greco_belgica, a senatorial candidate (DA WHO? I didn’t know we have such a candidate), has this to tweet:

Okay, so the tweet was not entirely homophobic. But what was striking was that he equated “bakla” with weakness, cowardice. Napoleon Bonaparte was gay, yet he was a conqueror if you must know Belgica. Moreover, in the history of Philippine Cinema, (and may I paraphrase this line from Direk Joey Reyes) Vice Ganda, a known gay, cross dressers still holds the most grossing film ever. Not your straight guy Lito Lapid or Derek Ramsay, but Vice Ganda, GAY.  Just because you don’t fight head on against your enemy doesn’t mean you’re gay enough to pull the trigger.

3. And then came the new pope, Pope Francis, who is… (drum roll) anti-gay, who referred to adoption by gay parents as a form of “discrimination against children..”

(Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2013/03/is-there-hope-for-francis-on-gay-rights.html#ixzz2NWhh09rK)

4. Not to be outdone, one of the senatorial candidate from the Ang Kapatiran party, Marwil Llasos admitted that he has “same sex affection” but shuns same sex as he has taken a vow of celibacy and purity.

 

IN OTHER NEWS:

Hail storm hits Quezon City. To which @mitosmagsaysay said “heaven must be crying. What was done must be undone.”

Mayor Lim and Erap Estrada signed peace pact last month. But in their face-off, they were cat-fighting without the actual face scratching motions. So I guess, peace pact nowadays mean that.

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“Hindi porke pangit ka, masisindak mo na ako.” — a facebook page

Follow me on twitter: @simply_clinton

 

Chopsuey: Political Tidbits

Papa Fiiiiiiii ! Ay, Francis Pala

Few days before conclave began, a reporter asked Mario Jose Bergoglio what makes his son, Jorge Mario Bergoglio, qualify to be the next pope. Without a thought, Mario Jose quickly said, “well, he is my son.”

Nancy: DA WHO?

Apparently, Nancy Binay was not the only one who was dragged into politics after serving as executive assistant of her father. During the time of GMA, Jobo Magsaysay, son of senatorial candidate Mitos Magsaysay was also appointed as director of the SBMA at age 23 without any prior experience aside from being the personal assistant of his own mother.

Marwil Llasos: Handsome

Marwil Llasos said he has “same sex affection” but denies having consummated a male to male intercourse because he has vows of celibacy and purity. To which the pigs at the pigpen said, ikaw na ang endorser ng PURINA. (hashtag waley).

Marwil Llasos never had sex with men even if he so desires them. He vowed for celibacy and purity. And a gay viewer of the show said “O siya, hiyang hiya naman kami sa iyong pagkabanal, pagkadalisay, pagkamayumi. But I’m sure, if you were never in a threesome nor a twosome, then definitely you at least did a HANDSOME.” (Ang di makagets pupulutin sa row 10).

Mitos: Feisty?

Mitos Magsaysay says “kung gusto niyo ng senador na walang takot bumangga kahit sino, iboto nyo ako.” Miriam Defensor Santiago, known to be feisty senator herself said, “YOU DONT DO THAT TO ME. I’m still here as the most feisty lady senator. Anong sinabi ng hayahay mo sa mga pick-up lines ko?”

Migs vs Koko Anew

Migz Zubiri and Koko Pimentel quarrel has taken another level, below the belt level. Tired of being accused to have cheated and stole 4 years 2 months of Koko’s senatorial tenure, Migz revealed the alleged reason why Koko and beauty queen wife separated. Koko asked Migz to stop his allegations as this is unfounded rumor. Migz insisted that Koko’s wife was crying while confessing to Migz and his wife. Koko said that if Migz do not stop with this allegation, he might be forced to file libel case against Migz. And then someone said to Koko’s wife ” beauty queen ka tapos papayag kang ang bubugbog lang sa yo ay chaka?”

Oppa Gurang Style 

Erap and Maceda had been dancing Gangnam style during their sorties. Palace advised them to leave dancing ang skit to the circus.

Mitos’ Harlem Shake, Desperado?

Mitos Magsaysay gamely joined Alma Concepcion to dance Harlem Shake during one of the UNA’s sorties. Suddenly, my Westlife CD played “desperado, why don’t you come to your senses…”

SWS Survey: UNAs Bitterness

Toby Tiangco was highly critical of the latest SWS survey where 8 of 12 slots belonged to Team PNoy, with Bam Aquino as the biggest gainer. And the UNA candidates dropping off. He wanted the SWS to reveal who funded the survey.

Pag UNA ang leading, it’s the people’s will. Pag UNA ang talo, the survey is questionable. Asus!

Zubiri: Fake Senator, Fake Followers?

A website fakers.statuspeople.com revealed that among the senatorial candidates, Migz Zubiri has the most number of fake twitter followers with 86% of them fake, and twitteraudit.com revealed that he only has 2% real followers. Anobayan, peke na ngang senador, pati twitter followers, peke? Ano pa ba ang peke sa kanya. (Then “konsensiya” suddenly shouted “kasarian?”)

Dick and Anus (Ayyyyy!)

Dick Gordon’s TVC banners a child who was born with impeforate anus. Was it aimed to be dramatic to draw sympathy from watchers? In his TVC, a child poetically narrates “pinanganak akong may sakit, walang butas aking puwet. Sa kanya kami lumapit…” To which the imperforate anus said “hiyang hiya naman ako sa yo, Dick. Ikaw pa talaga dahilan na nagkabutas at lumuwag ako.”

Dirty Harry vs Dirty Finger

Mayor Lim and Joseph Estrada, before the elections have signed a peace pact for a peaceful campaign and elections. But few days ago, during their face off, Lim and Estrada had been throwing muds against each other.

After one of their face off, while Estrada was leaving the venue, a young voter, supporter of “Dirty Harry” was flashing the “L” sign. Estrada thought the L meant “Libog,” so in return, he flashed a “dirty finger.” Unfortunately that was caught on camera.

Follow me on twitter: @simply_clinton